Love In The Time Of Sitcoms

Dear Diary,

I am about to fall in love.  I can feel it.  It’s going to happen any day now and here is how I know.  Nobody likes me.  I don’t even like myself.  I am smug and obnoxious and so not cool. I don’t look cute most of the time, although I think that if I had to dress up for some fancy event, I could pull the one dress out of my closet and put on make-up and flip my fair to the side and be breathtakingly gorgeous. I’ve been in this lackluster state for a while now and I’m starting to feel like all is lost.  This is perfect, because it means that love is near.

I might fall in love with Will.  Will and I HATE each other.  We fight so much and he teases me all the time. All it will take is one moment where the veil of mean banter is lifted and a hint of caring is revealed. Or maybe I’ll fall in love with Nick. I mean, I’m already in love with Nick, but Nick doesn’t know that.  Because I have been so lame lately, I think Nick might finally realize that he is in love with me.  Also, I could easily fall in love with James. We’ve known each other forever and it’s never occurred to us to date.  We’re best friends, more like brother and sister, really.  I don’t think that’s weird.  I think that’s love.

I will fall in love by being stuck in a confined space with my aforementioned enemy/secret crush/best friend.  Any elevator or supply closet will do.  Here we will kiss the passionate kiss of love. Later, after a few awkward dates where we realize that being in a love relationship is different than our former relationship, we will have sex.  It’s gonna be so great.  We’re gonna go from silly laughing to really serious kissing, and then sex is gonna happen, and then we’re gonna lie there next to each other.  Not touching each other or cuddling.  Just staring at the ceiling with a sheet tucked right up under our armpits.  He will say, “Wow.”  I will say, “Yeah.”  Imagine that.  Pure, sweet, love.

Our love will be strong.  If I think he’s cheating, I’ll remember he’s probably planning a romantic surprise.  If I catch him going between my sister’s birthday party and the game (because he forgets to wipe off his face paint), I will encourage him to be more honest with me and that conversation will fix the issue forever.  If he is scared to commit, I’m sure he will realize that actually, he loves me so much that he would rather give up his sense of independence than ever risk losing me.  I mean, that’s just how it works when you’re in love.

I’m not scared to fall out of love.  After I’ve been in love for a while, sure, I might break up with Will/Nick/James.  But so what?  We have the same small group of friends that has to be together constantly.  To maintain that, we can’t spend much time apart.  We’ll get over the break up quickly and it’ll be like it never happened.  I’ll go shopping with his new girlfriend.  He’ll watch baseball with my new boyfriend.  We will all hang out comfortably and laugh and laugh.  But of course, that break up won’t be the end of our love.  When you’re in love, you break up and get back together all the time.  The more on again/off again your relationship, the more you are in love.

That is all for now, dear diary.  Thank goodness I have you to share my thoughts with. I can’t talk about love with the other girls I know. They’re all obsessed with fairytales.  They dream of being princesses and getting rescued by knights on white steeds.  It’s so unrealistic.


Author: Molly Cahen